Mila's Story

“I would have told you there was nothing better in life than a sweet little J (joint). I thought I would be a mother, even a grandmother, who smoked—like it was just going to be my thing for the rest of my life.”

Meet Mila, 21, who began struggling with substance abuse around the age of 15. Early in high school, Mila was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. She described feeling dumb and different from her peers at school. When she was in 9th grade, shows like 13 Reasons Why and Euphoria became popular. Mila said, “I would watch those shows and relate to those people. The media portrayed to me that coping mechanisms or relief came from things like drug use and abuse.”

What started small began to grow as Mila progressed through high school. “It was a slow crawl—Juul, dab pen, edibles—I was trying to hide my pain as best as possible from my peers,” she said. For a while, substances, specifically marijuana, numbed the pain, helped her dissociate, and brought her a lot of friends who also liked to smoke. “My MO was pushing and pushing the limit to see how far I could get.”

Mila described the moment she began to realize that substance abuse had crept into every aspect of her life. “It picked up to a point where at 17 years old, I was smoking every night to fall asleep and then smoking again before school. Once, I even showed up high to cheer on a Friday night football game. I remember thinking Wow, I can’t stop myself or say no to this substance. It had full control of me. If you don’t have anyone in your life who will say that to your face, you can make a lot of excuses.”

Towards the end of her freshman year of college, Mila’s self destructive behavior came to a head. “I got to a point where I didn’t get out of bed for three days, and I was really depressed. It felt like serious forces were gripping me. I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was at the point where I didn’t care if I ran my life into the ground.”

She was offered a spot in a summer program for college students focused on building faith and leadership skills. Mila said, “I was presented with an opportunity to make a change. I was learning that maybe Jesus could be real. I was learning about the Christian faith. Within the first week there, my life radically changed.”

Mila described experiencing a taste of what a relationship with God looked like. “All of the things I had kept a secret, I realized He (Jesus) knew, and I felt Him wash all my burdens away. I completely broke. The first burden lifted from me was sexual trauma. He could relate. He was there, and He knew what it was like to be taken advantage of and betrayed. It was one of the lightest feelings I've felt in a long time."

Juxtaposed with her new freedom in Christ was the fear of what a complete 180 would look like back at home and at school. "Once I encountered Jesus, I was really scared. I started to realize that if He was going to be the Lord of my life, then nothing is better than a sweet little J, couldn't be my truth anymore. I didn’t know how I could get from day to day without it. It had been my form of medication for years. Having to unlearn many of the habits I had adopted in my young adult life was really hard. Being vulnerable in confession and asking for help was hard too as I felt many Christian girls my age came from a wildly different background."

Mila describes her healing and freedom from addiction as a daily choice that isn’t linear. “Every day I have to wake up and take addiction off of my identity. Sometimes it’s really easy. Other times, the temptation comes back through a friend, a living situation, or even my own family members,” she said.

She has found encouragement by remembering the nature of God in whom she has placed her faith. Mila said,“In scripture, Jesus heals the blind and brings the dead to life, so who am I to say he can't take this burden off my back? Right now, it's a daily choice to put on the armor of God. When you follow Him above all else, there will be division for His sake, and that is the price you must pay to be a faithful steward.”

An encouraging verse for Mila is 1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

When sharing her interpretation of this passage, Mila said, “I've always known God has a trap door or window open for me when I feel backed into the corner. I have to choose to open the escape door that He gives me. I can choose this world and dissociate, or choose Him, which brings me a clear mind but more importantly unending joy.”

As we wrapped up our conversation, Mila shared her advice for others struggling with any kind of addiction. She said, “The enemy wants you to indulge in your sin struggles. He will keep you comfortable in your sin as long as he can. Getting sober has meant not being friends with certain people anymore—I was scared to lose friends and status because of it. Well, I fully did, but I don’t regret any of that. Drama, gossip, social anxiety, and comparison left with it, too.”

Mila described the relief of no longer having to depend on her own strength in the fight against addiction. “I don’t have to be the strong one anymore because I know I’m God’s child. My life has done a complete 180 since the Holy Spirit came in and turned everything upside down. It's not an easy transition, but it's the best thing that’s ever happened to me.