Julia's Story

"Here, the guys are nice, so you wouldn’t see it coming; you wouldn’t expect it. That’s what happened to me. I didn’t see it coming. I felt like he didn’t even know that he did anything wrong. I don’t know if he knows now that he did something wrong." This is a snippet from a conversation I had with Julia, 19, who experienced sexual violence during her first year of college. 

I had the privilege of chatting with Julia about her journey toward healing and resilience after this shocking experience. To begin our discussion, she shared with me a bit of background. "It happened at the beginning of the fall semester. I didn’t really talk about it with anyone for a while or tell anyone - I sort of just pushed it down. I felt like it was my fault, and I felt guilty and embarrassed.” When I asked about how she thinks most college girls perceive sexual assault and violence, she said, "For a lot of girls, they take on the guilt that the guy should be feeling. So no one really talks about it. “ 

Julia reflected on the few months before sharing her experience with her parents. "Before I told anyone, the only place I could find comfort was talking to God and reading my Bible; it made me feel safe,” said Julia. She remarked on how, at first, she was only able to tell her mom because she didn’t know how her dad would react. “I thought he might be mad at the situation. It really helped me to see my dad cry when I told him the news. It helped because it showed me that something was actually wrong, and the whole time, I was lying to myself that everything was fine.” 

As we discussed the role faith played in her journey of healing, Julia said, "My therapist told me a lot of people would blame God, but I feel like I was using my faith to help me get better. I also didn’t let what happened affect my going to school.” Julia shared with me two verses that have been important in her journey towards healing. 1 Peter 4:10, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."

She said, "I don’t know why that one really stuck with me, but I think it reminded me that I have a God-given purpose, and I can’t let one thing like that stop me and ruin my life.” Another verse is Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Julia said, “That’s my dad’s favorite verse. I really like that one.” 

Julia said that a moment of breakthrough was when she "stopped internalizing it and sort of processed it and gave it to God. My parents prayed with me and found me a therapist who shared our faith, which helped me let go. Not that I’m completely better, but I think I’m finally in a stable and OK place. I would say that I can think about it without those thoughts ruining my whole day." 

We closed our conversation by discussing how everyone has a different journey towards healing and their own unique timeline. Her story is a reminder that almost one in four young women walk around feeling guilt and shame for something that was done to them. It’s an opportunity for us as a community to be listening ears and encourage dialogue that fosters healing.